The person i trusted most in my life, the person who i let know every secret, intimate detail about me, the person i gave my heart and soul to and thought was my closest friend, has hurt me, stabbed me in the back, betrayed my trust and lied. How do you move on from that? I've had soooo much shit in my life, and the one person i truly trusted with every fiber of me not to hurt me, has, with no care at all to how i would feel about the situation, no respect to talk to me first and work something out, no appreciation for anything i've done for them ever. How does someone do that to someone else. They know my feelings, they know everything about me, how can someone do something so wrong to someone else? I don't know how to deal with these things anymore.... I don't understand how someone could do this? I don't understand how in their mind, this is ok? Why couldn't they talk to me first? This is why I let so few people close to me. Because eventually you get stabbed in the back. Eventually, they use the information they gave you against you to hurt you in the worst possible way. This is what i get for trusting someone who told me they would never hurt me. I actually believe him. Im truly the fool now. And here i am posting my feeling and personal shit on facebook, because i don't know what else to do, I don't where to turn. All I know is I can't deal with bullshit like this anymore. I can't do it. There has been to much pain in my life. I know I created alot of it. But this situation wasn't me. And here it is. and i need to get out of it. I didn't deserve this. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. I'm lost now. and i've never felt so betrayed and alone. How on earth could i ever trust someone again? How? I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to get through this.
And how can a person justify threatening me every single argument? Threatening me with my greatest fear. A fear I shared because i trusted him. A fear he said was no reason to be afraid. This is my life. I'm truly alone now. I'm truly in the back in hell, i thought i had left that behind.
I was supposed to be safe here. This was supposed to be a safe place for me. For once in the hellish last few years i felt like i was home. and now thats gone. Now i have nothing.
If it wasn't for my daughter i would leave this life. I would be gone. She is saving my life. But why? What is there to look forward too? More betrayal? More pain? How can i keep trusting people and have this happening.
I mean really the one person I never thought would do this to me ever, is the one person is is using everything against me. Everything. Even besides the stupid situation they've involved me in now,
Every argument, every time he gets upset with me for whatever, i'm threatened by my greatest fear. homelessness. There now everyone knows. That is my greatest fear. or was, I guess now it's my second greatest, because now my greatest is something happens to my daughter.
But he still uses that.
Tells me i need to move out. Every. Single. Argument. Because he knows how much it hurts me.
That and my mental past. I have a history of severe mental depression. I'm told every time we fight that i'm crazy, that i'm insane, that i should be on medication, that i have the severe manic depression.
I don't think i deserve any of this?? Maybe i'm wrong.
Lets see....
He thinks because he allows me to live here he can treat me however he wants.
He thinks because he allows me to live here he can do whatever he wants but i have to everything he wants too.
1. I pay rent to live here
2. I cook for him everyday, breakfast and dinner and lunch when he's off
3. I clean, dishes, floor, kitchen, bathroom toilet, everything. he doesn't, though he does do his laundry.
So, how is this not my home too?
How is this that i don't get a say in anything and am expected to just sit back and take it?
How is any of this ok?
Why am i always made out to be the asshole?
I really don't understand how this isn't seen as abusive at least a little by him?
Besides the fact that there were roaches and mice crawling all over this filthy place when i moved in and i cleaned it up and made it a home and i get shit on over and over.
This insident is the icing on the cake.
He knows i've been in love with him for a long long time.
And yes, he's told me over and over it's not going to happen.
But also told me he would never hurt me.
And now i'm sitting here listening to them fuck and thats ok?
How much more cruel could someone be?
I trusted him.
Now i don't trust anyone.
Everyone in my life has betrayed me at least once. Everyone.
I thought he would be different.
I was wrong.
I am the fool.
Truly an idiot.
My life at this moment is 100% worthless.
How could anyone do this to another person. How can anyone be so cruel
